Confessions of a confused 20-year old
Honestly speaking, this girl is me.
As confused and lost as can be.
But have you ever thought about what it would be like if you were able to follow your intuition and do what spoke to you?
What it would be like to have a clear mind and get through the vagueness and uncertainty around you?
Regardless of what others thought, said, or how things are “supposed to be” if you just did what made you feel content?
If that gut feeling just came to you within seconds and you listened to it if you didn't bury it under the soil of a million second-thoughts.
If you let your imagination flow like a river, left the thoughts crystal clear as water, and swam along with it.
Imagine being in a phase of life where you worry about not fitting into the standards of adult life at the same time your childhood phase is drifting away.
Welcome to your 20s! Or throwback to your 20s!
As you swim in this river, you look forward to a waterfall of the unknown things life has for you. Maybe you picture a bottomless ocean where you fear drowning because it's too much. You are afraid of what the river will turn into.
The waterfall may give you a sense of excitement or extreme fear, the choice is yours.
See what I did in the caption :D (a real illusion :D, ya I know it’s not that funny) Please keep reading,ignore my poor jokes please :D.
Describes life perfectly.
But just imagine, if you thought you weren't broken and could turn your wishes into reality, we wouldn't think of Aladdin and his magic lamp.
We could be our own Genie and make wishes come true. Not the Cinderella that kept waiting for a prince to change her life.
Imagine if we all took our fake person masks off (no, not the masks to protect ourselves from coronavirus!) and stopped hiding behind the perfection of social media. Social media is like an oasis in the middle of the desert, so appealing that thirsty wanderers like us rush through toxic environments and reach that place which was only a mirage, something unreal.
In case I confused you, I meant that social media is an unreal mirage of things (an oasis in the middle of the desert)that are appealing to us and we don't think twice before scrolling through toxic posts (that is, rushing to the oasis)and the journey we took has left us feeling drained.
Though if we see through the desert with open eyes, with need, not greed, we might as well spot a village( people on the internet that actually add to your life in a good way) that is real.
Imagine if we trusted ourselves enough that a “like” was just a like, not a reaffirmation that we were worthy of love.
I may sound like a perfect person writing all these perfect things with all this perfect insight. But believe me, anyone can develop good insight.
We hardly look at ourselves in the mirror because our smartphones already have a selfie camera, so why do we need anything else? The selfie camera is once again a mirage, you can look like anything you want. But as it is said, nothing comes for free. You may not like yourself when you are real if you keep hiding from yourself, which is exactly what I do sometimes.
Since my childhood, I had this future imagined for my life: At 6, I wanted to become a pediatrician when I grew up,still remember my favorite Chinese class teacher sitting me down and having a long discussion about it :D. It was a pretty long discussion for a 6-year old.
After that, I stopped thinking about what I wanted to become.Because I felt trapped. Trapped even when no one was trapping me. I trapped myself by closing all doors that I could open for myself. ( Guys opening doors is chivalry,no doubt, but I think I can open the doors myself :D)
Time flies.
Years pass by.
I am in the final year of my biomedical engineering degree, and still wonder how I got through it and came 6th in my class (Recently got my rank certificate).
I am blessed to have the privilege of pursuing education with a scholarship and so many opportunities, had my own struggles too.
But what if there were no standards of success set by society, and I felt free to give myself permission to explore my life and create my own timeline, rather than living by the number line.
I don’t know whether life is going to be better after I graduate, as many people tell me. I don’t know whether it was right or wrong to leave or keep some people in my life. I don’t know what is right or wrong. What was right or wrong. What will be right or wrong for me in the future. But now I do know the right or wrong is decided by what feels right or wrong to me, and no one can take that away from me. My decisions will be based on what feels right to me. Nothing else. Not even my second-guesses.
Fun fact: Wrote this article without second thoughts on the topic I wanted to write about. Another confession.
Even if you do not tell me, I want you all to have an opinion or a thought about this confession. If you read this article without feeling anything, then either my article was boring or you weren't quite present while reading.
If you got bored with my article, you would have stopped reading by now. Anyway,it’s too late to stop reading, you’ve reached the last line of this article :D
