Why putting yourself down doesn’t help anyone, including you

Shruti Singhal
Shruti Singhal
Published in
3 min readAug 20, 2019

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Had second thoughts on posting this, posted it anyway : )

I feel it’s important to share this to make people aware what they unknowingly might be doing to themselves.

Based on a true story:

It’s about a girl in her freshman year two years ago. She had no friends and no one to count on in her bad days. Everything felt hopeless to her. So, she stopped caring for one person that was there for her-herself. She stopped caring how her hair looked, whether she wore her best clothes to classes or had food. It was heartbreaking for me to see her like this everyday.When anyone even said hello to her,she would become panic-stricken and act as if she didn’t hear by staring at her phone.Approaching her wasn’t the solution,so instead I observed for a few days what was actually the matter with her.

She would come to the cafeteria everyday teary-eyed face,restless, rarely with a visible smile on her face. I began to understand what made her feel this way. It was a lack of self-worth.When you don’t feel like you’re good enough,you feel everyone else is better than you. You become dependent on others approval and stop caring about your needs and self-respect. Selflessness soars, confidence drops.Self-sabotage has started.

For a month, I saw the same thing every day and it felt like she didn’t want to change and liked being that way. One day,I gave up on her and left the cafeteria. Three months passed, and I was studying in the library for my exams. I heard sobbing from the desk next to me. There she was! The same, anxious,teary-faced girl!

This had to STOP.

It wasn’t easy. I gave her water.To my surprise ,she took it. I gave her a handkerchief to wipe her face,which again surprisingly,she accepted. Then I sat next to her and asked what was wrong. She replied,”I’m just useless. I don’t know what I want. I can’t trust anybody. Everyone talks to me with a purpose in mind. I don’t want you being nice to me.Don’t try to be my pity friend. “

I told her didn’t have any expectations,she could agree to take my help or refuse it.She agreed.So,I told her to take care of herself and made her think of the good qualities she possessed. It took quite sometime for her to think,but when she told me, I could see this glow on her face.She deprecated herself while speaking, but realised that she had magnified a bad image of herself.

We spent more time together,our friendship grew, and gradually her anxiety and depression began to get better!

From her telling me not to become her friend,we became best friends!

Yes.That best friend was me.

That anxious, crying girl was me.

I became my best friend.

I still get self-deprecating thoughts now. However,I am now able to challenge them and take a U-Turn from disaster.We sometimes compare ourselves with unrealistic standards and make ourselves feel lesser. It has a major impact on our mental health too.Social media is a great example of how it has affected our standards of comparison.

Love what you find out about yourself-the good and the not-so-good things. Don’t sabotage your happiness for the sake of being the way someone or you yourself ideally wants to be.Be your own best friend first,everything else will eventually fall in place.

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Shruti Singhal
Shruti Singhal

Write when the heart tells you to.. I write poems too :)